Where Do We Go Now??

So hubby and I are just about even now ... I lived in Thailand for about 4 years and we just had our 4 year anniversary of moving to the US.  The big question is ... now what?

Clearly the number of years don't really matter nor can they really be evenly matched.  I chose to live in Thailand because I had already fallen in love with the people, the culture, the everything while my dearest agreed to move to the US for our family, not because he had a burning desire to experience life in America.  In fact, after several not so pleasant experiences with the US Embassy in Bangkok, he was pretty much ready to never set foot on US soil.  But I managed to drag him back here and now, four years later, we own our first home and our babies have turned into real little people.  We have friends, a social life (well, hubby does ... I have playdates with kids whose parents I like), strong family ties. 

For the first time in a very long time, I have begun to feel like we have actually created a life for ourselves rather than just kind of floating along without any anchors.  One thing that I have discovered about myself in these years of travel, love, family, moves etc is that I need me some anchors!  I get completely thrown off balance without them.  I think everyone needs their anchors in one way or another and they show up differently for different people.  My passions have always revolved around the people in my life and they have always been my anchors. My peeps keep me grounded and the thought of losing that once again kind of sends me into panic attack mode. 

Yet, it has been two years since my in-laws have seen their grandchildren, two years since our kids have been surrounded by the Thai language, culture and people ... their people, their family.  I remember times when living in Thailand, that ache to walk down the street and hear your own language, to run into a shop for toilet paper and not have to worry about explaining what you're looking for, to crack a joke and know that everyone will just get it, to not have that constant need to think and rethink every word that passes through your lips to make yourself understood and then not even being understood half the time.  I remember all these things and then, of course, I project them onto my husband.  I push my memories of homesickness and my own dreams of Thailand onto my family here when really I just need to own them all myself. 

I know all this and yet I struggle with what I actually want for my family, what is best for all of us and how to realistically make it all happen.  More thoughts to come in my ongoing search for The Elusive Easy Fix for Life ... advice welcome!

Tales of Moms Without Boundaries

Anyone who has experienced pregnancy, labor, birth and parenting is surely familiar with the bizarre tendency of other moms to lose all sense of etiquette, tact, boundaries or really manners of any kind.  From the stranger's hands rubbing on your growing belly to the melodramatic sagas of birthing, this phenomenon begins with that little bump inside and apparently never, ever ends.

Usually I'm pretty good about dealing with all the unsolicited "wisdom" from others and manage to take most of it with a grain of salt, letting it roll off my back or at least fuel some sarcastic comments for my chats with girlfriends.  Some days, though, I must admit, that forced smile and silent nod are tough to squeeze out.

Monday morning brings my weekly arrival at my daughter's kindergarten art class where I am the official parent volunteer.  This is always a time I look forward to and I love watching my girl with her buddies and witnessing her growing into her own person.  My 5 year old is, to say the least, an anxious child.  She is a worrier, super sensitive and errs on the drama queen side.  Many of these traits she inherits from me and I see myself in her often, remembering my own struggles as a child.  She, however, is much more at ease with herself and the world than I ever was and I do my best as her mother to encourage these sides of her personality and try to give her methods of coping with those that are a struggle for her.

We usually have to have a preemptive chat Monday mornings about being together for art class but then working on saying goodbye without a panic attack at the end of class.  Generally, she does fine but, as it goes with kids, some weeks she's a little more anxious than others.  When the end of art class rolled around, there was some wobbly lip action and the beginnings of a tear streaked face.  So I took a moment with her while the rest of the kids went up to the classroom, we talked about our routine, what we'd do after school, yadda yadda, had some hugs and off she went to class.

Mission accomplished, time to pack up and move in with the day.  Alas, that was not to be.  Mrs. Art Teacher, who I really do enjoy as an art teacher abut not so much as a confidante, felt it necessary to cozy up and give me some advice "from one mother to another."

Oh no, here we go, what will it be now?  Ah, apparently, even though I have spent 5 years parenting my child, perhaps someone who sees her in a class of 16 once a week for the past 7 months really knows what is best for her.  AARGH!!  So, then I had to stand there while I was told that I was not doing my daughter any good by making such an intimate moment together when she is feeling upset.  That I really just need to say good-bye and walk away and be done with it and then she will learn.  Um, learn what?

Normally, I would have just let this go, smiled and nodded and quickly made my way to the door.  But that morning, I was not in the mood to be taken down for my parenting skills.  I was polite and fairly tactful, a trait I sometimes struggle with, than she had been with her comments.  I simply explained that my daughter had a tendency towards worry and anxiety and that, while we had tried many strategies, we had found that the way we deal with issues works the best for her and that I felt my job was to help her cope with these feelings rather than just teach her to ignore them.  And, actually, Mrs. Art Teacher did not have much more parenting advice to give.

My conclusion: It is wonderful to have other mams out there to support us with the challenges of raising children but the same rules for what is and is not socially acceptable, apply for parenting advice as for all other topics.  Save your advice for those that you actually have a close friendship with or, even better, wait for someone to ask for help before you dish it out.

More Ideas to Help Keep Kids Calm

As I've mentioned before, our 5 year old has a personality that leans towards the anxious side of life.  So I am always on the hunt for tools that I think might help her cope with some of those feelings and that might provide her with resources for the emotions throughout her life.

My latest brainstorm came today when I reconnected with a fellow Portland business owner.  I met Sarah last winter at one of the Boston Cultural Survival Fair Trade Bazaars where she was selling some of her amazing pottery.  After many months of wanting to get over to her shop here in Portland, I finally made it in today to look for some holiday gifts.

Her shop, Earth & Soul, is a lovely space showcasing her pottery as well as a variety of art from local and international artisans.  While I was chatting with Sarah, and her lovely 6 month old daughter falling asleep in her baby carrier, I asked about the pottery classes she teaches in the studio in the back of the shop.  I found out she offers classes for kids 5 and up. 

I immediately pictured Sasha pounding, molding, squishing the clay to form amazing shapes and figures.  For those of you who have never spent time around Sasha, she definitely got her daddy's artist genes.  She produces hundreds of drawings, stories and various creations every week.  She has taken art classes before and absolutely loved it but she has never experienced pottery (unless we broaden the term to include play doh).

 

Every kid loves playing in the mud, the feeling of that goop gushing through your fingers - it is so primal, brings out the caveman/woman/kid in all of us.  Since there are currently no classes in "How to Mush Muddy Goop into Art,"  I figured pottery class is the more civilized version.

My hopes for the class is it will take Sasha's natural artistic passion and give her a place to reach that primitive place inside to find some calm and nourish her inner worrier.  So I am so happy that I happened to step into Sarah's shop on this spring like Maine December day.  Thanks Sarah and I will report back on Sasha's pottery adventures once she settles into class after the new year.

The Holiday Spirit is Here

My mom started a holiday tradition last year of taking my daughters and me to see the local production of The Nutcracker which I used to go see in New York City with my grandparents when I was younger.  This was the first year that both girls came as last year Marisa was a bit too young to sit through the show.  I was amazed at how good they both were and I just smiled through most of the show watching how much they enjoyed the music, the dance and the costume.




Speaking of which, oh wow ... the costumes just blow my mind every time I see The Nutcracker performed.  This show makes me want to sew just so that I could be a part of creating the outfits for The Nutcracker.  Watching the dancers move in the gorgeous dresses and flowing fabrics ... it just reeks of beauty and grace.  The strength of the dancers is astounding and really does feel like you are watching art in action. 

Before seeing the performance last year for the first time as a parent, I had forgotten how many roles kids play in the show and that makes it so much fun for the girls to watch.  So I think there may be some more dance classes in the future for the girls and maybe this time next year I'll be posting pictures of my girls as little reindeer in The Nutcracker!

After the performance, we walked downtown where the girls oohed and aahed over the lights decorating the trees and shops.  The four of us ducked into a local coffee shop and got big mugs full of hot cocoa.  I love this tradition and am so grateful for my mom, her relationship with my daughters and the wonderful memories that they will have forever.  It may have been raining today as we stand on the brink of December but, snow or no snow,  I am now officially in the holiday mood. 

What makes it feel like the holidays are here for you?  Any traditions you have with your kids or from your childhood?  Share, share, help us all bring that much talked about holiday cheer!

Mamas of worry warts ... a must see for you!

Sure, we parents may moan sometimes that our kid have nothing to complain about ... no bills to worry about, meals to cook, school activities to take care of ... but we also know that being a kid just isn't always all that easy either.  Granted, that fact may only be remembered on really good days but still, the knowledge is in there somewhere!

I am a firm believer that kids are born with their personalities and it is part of our job as parents to encourage the "easier" aspects of their personalities and also to help them learn how to deal with some of the more difficult parts of themselves.  My five year old is a worrier, an anxiety producing machine if you will.  Yes, I will admit, she got it from me but at least I can often understand my anxieties if not actually stop them in their tracks.  We have tried many ways to try to relax and let some of the worries go but bedtime remains a difficult time - just lying there with nothing but her own 5 year old mind running rampant with concerns about life or, say,  dead ducks in the hallway (no idea where it came from but that caused about a week or so of absolute terror for her.

This last month I rediscovered something that I used as a child that had gotten lost in the black holes of my memory.  Worry Dolls!  I loved my worry dolls, the details of the handmade clothes and faces, the way I could tuck them all up in their little pouch at night, the way they made me feel more grown up than just wanting to cradle a stuffed animal.  As a parent, I can now appreciate them even more for their beautiful simplicity and cultural tradition. 

For those of you who are not familiar with the worry doll legend, here is a quick recap:
As the legend of the Highland Indian villages of Guatemala goes: Before going to bed tell one worry to each doll, then place them beneath your pillow. While you are sleeping, the dolls will take your worries away.

My daughter now keeps her pouch of worry dolls by her bed and is often comforted just by knowing her pals are there waiting for her worries. 

Monkey Beanz is now offering a fair trade worry doll gift set that includes a pouch of worry dolls and a hardcover copy of Anthony Browne's Silly Billy, an adorable story that is the perfect introduction to your child's new worry dolls.  You can order this great fair trade gift with or without our durable canvas fair trade shopping bag!

Cloth Diapers

SO as always I will start out my post with mentioning that I am now 34 weeks!! 6 Weeks to go. My complaints this week .. Heartburn!!! I never knew heartburn could possibly feel this bad. Otherwise I am pretty happy besides a quick battle with the flu last week.

I have been getting everything ready for when our little cutie arrives. This including our cloth diapers, I am actually really looking forward to this venture. I get a lot of doubt from my friends and family which I find quite odd, I have never been someone who gives up on anything but I will use their doubt as encouragement!! It is important to me because of many reasons.
Here are a few facts that I have found (http://www.rpi.edu/~cummia3/Portfolio/SaniSolar_3_files/SaniSolar%20Poster.pdf)

1.The US uses apx. 27.4 billion disposable diapers per year.
2.100,000 tons of plastic and 1.3 million tons of
wood pulp, amounting to 250,000 trees, are
wasted in the production of the annual 27.4 billion
disposable diapers.
3. An average baby uses 5,000 diapers before potty training, almost all of which end
up in a landfill making up 3.4 million tons of waste
4. It is estimated to take 250-500 years for a disposable diaper to decompose (GROSS!!)
5.It costs Americans on average $350 million annually to dispose of single-use diapers
in landfills.
6. The average family spends $800 per year on disposable diapers. (This is also a huge reason for my husband and I to use cloth diapers)

So here are some things that I found to make using cloth diapers easier.
Use a 5 gallon bucket with a cover, this way you can keep it contained until it is wash time. I also plan on keeping a little bit soapy water in the bucket, this is something that was personally suggested to me. For number ones you can just throw the wet diaper into the bucket.
For number twos it is suggested that you clean it off as much as possible, this can be done by using the toilet to shake off the as I like to call it doo doo.
When it is time to do a load of laundry you can run them through the wash just like any other piece of clothing. (You may want to use a detergent that is less harsh than what you use on your clothing) You can use a mesh bag as a liner in the bucket which you can just pull out the liner and throw it all together in the washer.
BIG TIP: USE COLD WATER!!! This will prevent stains.

Now really does that seem that hard!

7 months and Counting

Happy Monday everyone. Can you all belive I am 32 weeks pregnant!! Just 2 more months to go.
This so far has been such a great experience (well most of it). I am so excited about the idea of being a mom. I also know how fantastic of a father my husband Nick is going to be. He already is!!!

So on my mind this past week has been parenting, what morals will we teach Lily or Spencer?  Clearly I am very much a supporter of Fair Trade. It will be important to me for my children to understand that not everyone lives like we do. There is so much poverty and struggle out there, not that we are rich by any means but in comparison to some cultures we absolutly are. This is why Fair Trade IS so important, it is really us doing our part to make sure we are not supporting sweat shops. Obviously it is going to happen without us even being aware of it. I am so excited that I have great toys for my children that I absolutly know are fair trade..well because I work for the company that pays the wages!!!!!
So there is my weekly fair trade rant!!! Help to support fair trade, even if it is just one cup of coffee or preferably an item from us... !!!!
Thank you all for listening.. peace love and fair trade
NYki
P.S. The crib sets are coming soon!!!

What? We should play with our own kids???

I'm sure many of you heard about the controversy over Disney's Baby Einstein series and their claim that the series will make your baby smarter.  Unlike those of you in touch with the outside world, I actually had not heard about it until I listened to the story on NPR's Talk of the Nation last week. 

I was absolutely speechless (well, not exactly but that gets the message across in a much more polite way!) listening to the topic being debated.  I am also quite sure that the talented Neil Conan shared my opinions as host of the show.  Poor man, I felt bad that he was not able to speak to the idiotic claims and parents feeling the need to make their baby smarter in the first place.

Now, I know that tv and video games have taken over for many kids in the US (I'm not that naive) but is there really such a large portion of mainstream American parents that do not realize that plopping your baby/toddler/preschooler/child in front of the tv for these videos is not going to aid in their healthy development as much as actually playing and interacting with your own children?!

I am not anti-tv at all - I've been known to put on some Olivia or Charlie and Lola so I can make dinner or get some e-mails out.  I just find it a bit unnerving that playing with your kids is not commonly recognized, and practiced, as the healthiest way to promote normal development.  And out of curiosity, why is it exactly that we are trying to "make our babies smarter?"  Are we claiming that we were all not particularly smart babies and are trying to make up for our own loss of infant intelligence?  I can double check my facts, but I'm pretty sure babies have been developing just fine around the world for quite a number of years and we have managed to churn out some pretty smart people out there. Enough of my rant ... get off the computer and go play with your kids.  I will if you will.

For some fun ways to play with your kids and encourage some fun in the house, check out the Monkey Beanz fair trade soft drum set and fair trade soft tool set or the always popular fair trade counting book.  No guarantees on IQ boosts but I bet you and your kids will have a good time together and, I'm no expert, but I'd say that is pretty important to raising a smart, healthy family.

Fair Trade Month Kick Off

I will start off with my number one excuse for not blogging for several weeks since it is actually pretty exciting.  We have been having some "issues" with our current website program and I've been toying with the idea of switching for some time so this seemed like as good a time as any.  After several days of scouring websites and online forums for reviews and comparisons, I chose which program to switch to and I have to say, this is one of the best decisions I have made.  I love the set up of the new site and that is what I have been doing  day after day these last couple of weeks and I think we are just about ready to make the switch.  I'm hoping I will get it up and running this weekend.  Yay!!!

In any case, I though that the first day of October, aka Fair Trade Month, would be a good day to get back into my blogging and share some thoughts...

The question:  What is Fair Trade?  I get this question a lot and have answered it so many times, I could probably do it in  my sleep.  If you are reading this, you probably already know the cookie cutter answer - fair living wages paid to employees, comfortable working conditions, ability for workers to have vacation and sick time or leave of absence to care for their family.  These are all inherent aspects to the fair trade movement and the foundation to any fair trade business practice but there is something more beneath those facts that I feel lies at the focus of Fair Trade Month for me.  In a word - awareness.

I recently had a parent in my daughter's school ask me if I only had fair trade or green products in my house for the kids to play with.  Umm ... no.  While it would be wonderful to live in a time when there were more options for fair trade products, organic products etc, I don't believe that this is an all or nothing issue.  I don't think that in order to call myself a proponent of fair trade, I need to rid my house of all non-fair trade items just as I don't think that I need to buy only organic food for my family to say I believe in the benefits of buying local and organic food.

I would not have been able to start and run a business that took advantage of others for my own profit or sell products to parents that I would not want my own children to play with.  Yet, that remains true even when I give in and buy the girls those inflatable Spiderman swim tubes that surely say Made in China on the bottom.  I do my best to support companies that are doing more with their business than simply trying to turn a profit but if  were to clear out everything in our house that is not organic, local or fair trade ... well, it would be a lot easier to pick up around here, I guess!

My goal for Fair Trade Month is to promote awareness.  Awareness of other people and cultures,  Awareness of where our food comes from.  Awareness of where the products around us come from.  Not to create guilt at all the mass produced, chemically enhanced items that may be there but just to be aware of what is around us.  To make changes where it is desired and possible and to be okay with knowing that just taking that moment of awareness is, itself, making a change. 

Feeling like a grown up

Well, Sasha got off on the school bus this morning and Marisa is happily playing at preschool and I am sitting in a Wi-Fi connected local bagel shop with my MacBook and actually getting several hours to work!  I never thought I would be so excited to have time to work.  Then again, I never thought I would start my own business either or have two kids at the age of 30 so I guess I shouldn't be surprised at life anymore.

So now that I have time to work, I also have time to get this renewed energy and motivation to really get Monkey Beanz to the level of the vision I've been working towards for the past couple of years.  Not to sound cocky, but I so believe in our products and the fair trade foundation of the company and know that the more we get it out there, the more people will respond.  We have had such great success with our customers thus far and have been doing great with expanding our wholesale accounts (a big round of applause for Nyki!), one of which has already sold out of their first order and is ready for more!

While it may not be mainstream yet, more and more people (and parents in particular) are spending more time thinking about what we are putting into our bodies and our minds and those of our children as well as the significance not just of the final product but the process that has taken place to get the product into our home.  I love being a part of this and being able to offer a place for families not just to be able to shop for products they love and feel good about, but also a place that can offer an added layer of awareness for children about the world they are growing up in.

One of my other hopes for this year is to be able to spend some of my new solo time working on products and projects that will take the same Monkey Beanz ideals of fun, play, imagination and awareness and create a greater focus on global and cultural knowledge for children.  One of the greatest lessons for me as a mother of bi-cultural children is that it is never to early for kids to learn about the world and the people, and problems, in that world.  These lessons are so valuable as they form their own ideals and can be made age appropriate so that they can still begin to grasp that knowledge of the vastness and diversity of the world.

I've been thinking a lot recently about our family and our own diversity and how these impacted our decision to begin Monkey Beanz.  I don't want to get too long winded already so I'll offer up this post as a preview of my thoughts and posts to come.  As always, happy to hear comments, and experiences.  Off to enjoy my locally brewed fair trade coffee and promote Monkey Beanz!